The Long Defeat

Over the last several weeks, I have been sitting in what has felt like a long defeat. I take one staff member to the doctor and get answers only to have another fall ill. I am amazed by God’s faithfulness in the life of one family, only to hear of the heartbreak and spiritual oppression that continues in another. I see children happily attending Rahab’s House School and learning so much, only to hear of other students who cannot come because they must sell fish on the riverside for their family. I wish that I had a collection of victories to report. I wish that I could say that so many children are being rescued and that our entire staff is healthy and there are no family issues, but the battle continues and I live in the “long defeat that falling set in motion.”

Each day on my way to and from Svay Pak I pray to our Father and plead for inspiration, for help, for redemption. I pray that the situations around me would be healed and that the very broken places would be restored. And it is just hard. And I cry and complain to the Lord. And I know that just as God heard David’s cries, He also hears mine.

Again and again I have come back to the Sara Groves song “The Long Defeat”. It resonates with me as I walk with staff and friends through difficult circumstances and unanswered questions.  The lyrics are below. 

- Becki 

I have joined the long defeat

that falling set in motion

and all my strength and energy

are raindrops in the ocean

so conditioned for the win

to share in victor's stories

but in the place of ambition's din

I have heard of other glories

and I pray for an idea

and a way i cannot see

it's too heavy to carry

and impossible to leave

I can't just fight when I think I'll win

that's the end of all belief

and nothing has provoked it more

than a possible defeat

we walk a while we sit and rest

we lay it on the altar

I won't pretend to know what's next

but what I have I've offered

and I pray for inspiration

and a way I cannot see

it's too heavy to carry

and impossible to leave

it's too heavy to carry

and I will never leave

      - Sara Groves